How To Handle Relationship Envy As A Christian Woman?
Jealousy is one of the hardest things to deal with in relationships. And, it especially hurts if it's a close friend who appears jealous of where God is taking you in a relationship. Have you experienced this before? Has someone who you hoped would be happy for you exhibited signs of jealousy? Did they seem to despise you because of your blissful relationship? I'm sure many of us have been through this. This is exactly what a Facebook friend of mine experienced and was led to share her question with me. With her permission, I am address it in this column.
Her question was, "I seem to be around a lot of jealous folks, "relationship killers", that try to destroy everything I get- even relationships. It seems, some people get mad, especially if they are miserable. So what should I do?"
Unfortunately, people who are battling, struggling and fighting with deep issues often have a hard time celebrating someone else who is happy. It's an unfortunate truth that I have personally faced on many occasions. There are individuals who say they love you, support you and are there for you. But the truth is, they have ulterior motives and inwardly, they are battling ugly vices like deep-rooted jealousy and envy.
Years ago, I experienced a similar situation. I was dating a guy who happened to be good friends with members of a family that appeared to be very sweet. So naturally, he introduced me to these individuals he highly regarded. In this family was a mother who was married with three beautiful daughters- one was my age at the time. Well, my relationship with this gentleman was going perfectly fine until his "friends" began treating me completely differently in his absence.
I ended up alone with them a couple of times while he was busy with other matters. He had no idea how uncomfortable I was. This not-so-friendly family was so mean-spirited, they nearly discouraged me from continuing on in my relationship with a guy who was so blind to the truth. Whenever we were together as a couple in this family's company, everyone was all smiles. But deep down, they bristled when they saw how well he treated me.
Finally, once I came to grips with what this scheme they had going on, I addressed it and nipped it in the bud. Later, I discovered that the married mother secretly had a crush on my beau; she treated me so poorly because she was in an unhappy marriage and wanted to be romantically involved with the very man I was dating. Somehow, seeing how well he treated me stirred up jealousy and envy in her. She resented me simply because she wanted what she could not have. After that experience, the popular quote that says, "Hurting people hurt other people," took on a whole new meaning for me. Individuals who fall into this category take their issues out on others rather than dealing with their internal struggles. In my case, that's exactly what it was. This may be true in your case as well.
So then, the question is, how do you deal with people like this? Here are a few simple tips that might help you if you find yourself in this situation.
1. Know the signs. When someone is emotionally healthy and truly loves you, they don't mind celebrating with you and building you up with their words. Beware of individuals who are consistently cynical, critical, and moody in response to your happiness. If your friend or family member cannot rejoice when you rejoice as Romans 12:15 instructs, take notice of that. And if you feel unsure of what to make of any negative signs, always pray for discernment from God. According to Jeremiah 17:9,10 He is the only one who knows the true intent of a person's heart.
2. Keep it to yourself. One of the best things you can do is keep your personal life personal and only with God's permission, share what he's doing for you in your relationship. Remember in Genesis 37 when Joseph revealed his dreams to his brothers and ended up in big trouble? You can't confide in everyone! You see,allowing everyone into your close, intimate space is probably not such a good idea. It would be great if everyone's motives were pure, but they are not. We live in world where evil always has an agenda which is, on occasion, carried out through other people. So practice using discretion. If you must share your great news of how God has blessed you with that God-sent man, confide in those you know and trust as true, and loyal confidants. This can help prevent heartache.
3. Pray for those who are envious. The word enemy is a strong one, but it's a very real one too. We have friends and we have enemies. The Bible talks about this in Matthew 5:44 where Jesus says, "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;" Sure betrayal hurts and it's a natural reaction to seek retaliation. But, you have to be the better person and love those who are jealous, envious, and conniving anyway. Pray for them. Pray for their happiness. Pray that God would bless them.
I'd like to encourage you to not allow other people to be a stumbling block in your life. You keep moving forward even in the face of jealousy and envy; be confident that God is on your side. And that's what matters most.
About Author - A Faith-Based Relationship Mentor, Kennisha Hill pens Christ-inspired words to empower, motivate and inspire Christian women who are seeking the truth about love and relationships from a Christ-centered perspective. She is the author of the devotional Simply Wisdom: Empowerment for Your Purpose and the Christian Fiction Novels, Awakened and Uncovered. Visit her on the web at http://www.kennishahill.com. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Kennisha_Hill
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Her question was, "I seem to be around a lot of jealous folks, "relationship killers", that try to destroy everything I get- even relationships. It seems, some people get mad, especially if they are miserable. So what should I do?"
I ended up alone with them a couple of times while he was busy with other matters. He had no idea how uncomfortable I was. This not-so-friendly family was so mean-spirited, they nearly discouraged me from continuing on in my relationship with a guy who was so blind to the truth. Whenever we were together as a couple in this family's company, everyone was all smiles. But deep down, they bristled when they saw how well he treated me.
